Nothing quite prepares you for the moment when someone literally touches your heart. That’s not a metaphor. I recently underwent a heart procedure and, for the first time, experienced what it means to hand over control of your most vital organ. As a leader, you’re used to control, used to steering the ship. But in that operating room, you surrender.

That experience forced me into a rare kind of reflection. The kind that makes you question not just your leadership but your life. If this had been my last day, had I done enough? Was the team ready? Was the legacy I had worked so hard to build actually what I thought it was?

Prepared on Paper, But Not in Spirit

My documents were in order. My team knew their roles. I had planned for emergencies. But the emotional reality hits differently when you’re lying there, reflecting on your letter of wishes, giving last-minute guidance to your spouse, and asking people to look after your mother. It forces you to realise what true preparation looks like. And it’s not all strategy and checklists.

Leaders often feel invincible. That illusion shatters quickly when your body becomes the business in crisis.

The Emotional Cost of Leadership

What caught me off guard was how transactional leadership can feel from the outside. People rely on you. They take from you. And in a moment of vulnerability, you realise just how much they do. You’re the supplier. And when you can’t supply, you see how quickly people start to drift or panic.

It left me with a feeling I wasn’t ready for. Not regret, but sadness. A realisation that perhaps I had been giving more than I had been living. That while I had been building something meaningful, I hadn’t always made space for myself in that meaning.

Rethinking Impact and Intention

I’ve always believed in legacy. But this experience reshaped what that means. I want to do more. But not just for the world. I want to do more for myself, more that brings joy, more that reminds me why I lead in the first place. That might mean a solo trip. That might mean less explaining and more experiencing.

Don’t wait for a medical scare to ask if you’re happy. Don’t assume your impact is the same as your intention. And definitely don’t forget to check in with the people closest to you. Sometimes we lead teams brilliantly but forget to lead in our own lives.

You’re Not Invincible

We know this, but there’s something about being rolled into an operating room that makes it real. You’re not invincible. You’re not endless. And the people who truly matter don’t just want your leadership. They want your presence, your health, your wholeness.

This experience didn’t just touch my heart. It reshaped it. Not physically, but emotionally. It reminded me that leadership is not just about building teams or reaching goals. It’s about knowing when to pause, when to rest, and when to lead yourself forward.